Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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