How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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