i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
