he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
