C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
