Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
