Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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