My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
BRING THE BAGELS
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize