R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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