i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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