I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
