I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
