last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
