you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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