Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize