We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
