This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Randomize
