I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
