i think my mom watched the whole time
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize