So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
