it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Your cock deserves a montage
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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