If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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