Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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