The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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