You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
