First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
