So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
