you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
