Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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