I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
