Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
