he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize