if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
