just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
