she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
