After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
