she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
