Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
