Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
