Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize