Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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