I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
