I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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