apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize