it was like his penis was on wheels.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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