you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
