You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
