..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
