I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize
