I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
