Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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