On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
