I wannas sexs uuuuu
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
