Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
