you would pick up someone in the library
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
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