I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
