Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
