If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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