you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
