I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
