look no pants
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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