I should be sponsored by Trojan
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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