operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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