Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize