When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
