our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
