omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
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