Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
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