i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
