It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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