I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
