I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
