My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
