I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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