I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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