Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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